A Year ago Maryna was immobile and I got lots of cuddles.
A year ago, Adelaide got into my bright red lipstick.
A year ago, Dryden was about to start his first year of full-day school. I was trying so hard to seize the summer days with him but also was looking forward to the break.
Time flies. Now Maryna is standing up and walking and dancing and making cheesy faces. She has beautiful curly hair (this picture was on a bad hair day), some sass and some seriousness. She ADORES her big brother and big sister and can say “Mama, Dada, more, again, and all done.” She toddles around the house exploring things and trying to mimic her brother’s love for books by sitting down with several at a time and leafing through them. She is a mama’s girl but she also gives Seth the biggest hugs and snuggles when he gets home from work.
Adelaide is still getting into lots of things–last week, it was pink nail polish. She managed to paint both thumbs, not just the nails, the entire thumbs…and a little bit of our bedroom carpet. She is so ornery but half the time, I don’t think she intends it in a mean-spirited way; her curiosity and zeal just wins her over and she HAS to explore and get into things. Addie is also all about her big brother. She wants to copy everything he does (which is pretty ANNOYING for us all when she copies all his words) and do everything he does, including making Lego creations. She has a sweet streak–she says “I love you” frequently and gives kisses, hugs and cuddles. She is also my little helper; she wants to be right beside me folding laundry or rolling out pizza dough!
Dryden is getting so big. He is in this weird in-between stage where he really wants to be given more responsibility but Seth and I are still grappling with how much to give him and how to let him run with his creativity and sometimes reign him in a little. He is a deep thinker and looks at a question (and pretty much anything!) from every angle. We joke that he will make a great lawyer someday. I have to say that being his mom has forced me to do some critical thinking of my own that I may never have done! 🙂 He sweetly (at least, 90% of the time) leads his sisters in all sorts of games and activities. Right now, he and Addie are building a fort. I enjoyed taking Dryden out last night to go school shoe shopping because he rarely gets to have one-on-one time with two needy two-and-under sisters around but he handles it like a champ.
There are days when I would just like to shut myself in the bathroom (or in a music studio, if I had one) and have some time for myself. Sometimes just a few moments to breathe or read a few pages of a book or drink a cup of tea while staring at the wall is just what I need to gather myself back together.
Mothering is hard.
And add to that being a wife. And I want to be a good one. I want to be that wife that write notes to my husband, gives him back rubs on hard days, buys him beer, keeps our master bedroom and bathroom spotless, encourages him towards godliness and submits happily to all that he says, and always has a hot meal waiting for him when he comes home.
And then there is that dusty guitar over in the corner and if I could just find X amount of minutes more in the week, maybe I would practice my craft and write more songs and become better instead of just staying in this average-guitar-playing stage I’m in right now.
The list could go on and on. And I’m sure each one of us has a list. I daily wrestle with all these things. How do I do the best I can with the stage God has put me in right now? How do I bloom where I’m planted? Am I hurting myself by pining for things that I just may not be able to do in this season? Do I just let them go and save them for another time?
I was encouraged a couple months ago as I worked through a study in Ecclesiastes with several ladies from my church. There is so much in there but I walked away realizing I need to embrace where God has me in life right now. I’m a wife, I’m a mom, I’m a musical person, etc. And as I embrace it, trying not to overthink things, and to be THANKFUL for EVERY DAY, every streak of red lipstick, every mess, every sweaty hug, every trial, every joy.